I really like how you have captured that vacant feeling you get sometimes staring in the mirror after you have gotten out of the shower. Also you have created a really nice little micro-climate in the room!
Thank you! I have taken to having the seven senses on a piece of paper in front of me when I write these things. When you can associate a familiar smell it works really well.
It’s cool that you started off by saying it doesn’t hang, it’s restrained. Like it has a life of its own that wants to show you everything you state at the end whether you want it or not. Really awesome.
Tap tap tap, everytime they touch my portal I respond in kind, their passage blocked. Tricky movement on their part is mimiked by instant instinctual response. Smoke, steam, toothpaste, even excrement produce often commented odors, yet I remain ignorant though so very curious as to the nature of these scents. Perhaps one day they shall be allowed to pass through and experience my universe of silent indifference and I might take their place in their universe of wonders.
I haunt this vessel not forced to see what the walls, and, doors, and floors might see. I can hide from the sounds of reality. But for one wall in one room where a portal suspends. It will show which colors are true. It will show those poking bristles are a part of you. It tells which, and what, and when ends. But lends not help.
It’s cool taking the mirror’s perspective!
The tiny mirror glued to the drywall really sets up this scene beautifully. You don’t need to tell us it is claustrophobic explicitly because the description does all the work for you! I really like the fighting flavours of dust and toothpaste. Great work!
“Betray the mirror’s discretion”
Some powerful stuff in here!
The balance between general and specific is a really interesting one. I remember finding it counter-intuitive being told that specific writing becomes more relatable to the reader. Here as you say I chose not to use “lemon flavoured” shampoo because I think generalising it to “fruit flavoured” just gives the listener a tiny bit more room to relate to it.
Some really nice raw imagery here Mayara! Great to describe a mirror no longer in its pristine state of being. The light being reflected and leaving you momentarily blind is a great observation you have picked up on and one that we can all relate to and experience as we read it.
Hey Adam welcome to the community!
Yea nice it is always a really interesting thing to do in object writing to write from the perspective of the object itself. I might well have a go at that tomorrow!
Welcome to the community Trippyroot
Interesting stuff but remember this exercise is focussed primarily on sensory description. I did enjoy reading though and hope to see you back tomorrow!
Stepping out of the tub reminds me of autumn, when brisk air hits your face. Each step on the smooth laminate wood gets progressively colder. I inhale deeply as I remove my towel in front the mirror… slowly. Seeing my pale skin always slows my breathing. I trace my finger along my still-wet shoulder like a finger painting. As I smell the coconut lavender scent, I look away. Memories overwhelm all my senses. The taste of peppermint lips; the feel of calloused fingertips. I look back again, with hesitation, at every freckle and imperfection, this time with distain.
I taste the salt of a single tear that escapes, so I lift the plush royal blue towel over my skin again and begin to dry away every humid memory.
@WLDFLOW3R You are really getting the hang of it! My favorite part is that, the way I take it, is a person looking at the mirror and taking note of changes that come with age, and that is really strengthened through the use of peppermint flavoring (the scene it gave me was remembering getting free peppermints at the bank as kid) and contrasting that with salty tears (because “salt” as an adjective can mean old). That is the really cool thing about this type of writing is that it elicits various reactions from different people. Your visual imagery remains strong, and you have really beefed up your other senses. Well done!
Great work Crysty! You’ve captured a lot of emotion in this piece. This is a good example of object writing in action; you could be writing a song about this theme of looking in the mirror and mourning lost youth etc - the question then is, what imagery will help to paint this picture in the listener’s mind? The number one rule is “show don’t tell”. Something like “memories overwhelm all my senses” may be slightly guilty of telling us instead of showing, but you do then follow with some concrete examples and imagery which is great. Drying away every humid memory is very strong - well done!
thank you for the feedback!
Thank you for the feedback! I find using other senses in writing very foreign, so I am excited to practice.
Stumbling over the single step, plunging down to the toilet, groggy eyes as the cold water from the faucet slaps my face. Reflected back at me in the mirror is a reflection of the night before, the nightcap from last night curdling my insides, nauseous heaving over the toilet, as the sweat and stink fills my nostrils.
Maintaining composure, I lock eyes in the mirror, standing in darkness, never turning on the light, avoiding the click that would penetrate my eardrums. Flushing away remnants from yesterday, spiraling into sadness, cool, refreshing water runs through my fingers, reminding me it’s a new day.
Welcome! Your play on the word “plunge” is great. Lots of great imagery in just that first line. The tastes and smells and internal feelings in the rest of the first part are really strong. You are incorporating many senses really seamlessly while allowing the reader room to imagine (this is really good).
In the second part, you bring in the auditory sense with the click, and it’s especially interesting because it didn’t happen. It’s a phantom click we are invited to avoid hearing. Again, ending with “flush” word play is a neat tie back to the beginning.
The only critique I have isn’t even a real one, it’s just that the mirror received very little of the spotlight. But that in no way lessens this great write up. Glad to have you on board here!
Yeah! Another person! Welcome! I like the line, “flushing away remnants from yesterday.”