"Where" Writing - Canoe on the River

Silver glinting dancers glide among flowing emerald ribbons to the tune of the orchestral river arrangement. “Paddle!” My dad’s voice cuts through the choral crescendo of nearby blackbirds. The world turns, mirroring the aqueous pirouettes trailing behind shining, waxed pine. I breathe out the anxiety slowly through my nose, inhaling the calm of the flow of the river and peaceful pine. “You steer.” The boat sloshes back and forth as my dad beckons me to go to the front. The boat lurches just as it completes its slow panoramic detour, launching us into a collision course. The blisters on my hands ache with each laboring stroke. Sweat drips down my forehead, stinging my eyes. My oar becomes a furious blur, drenching me in cold river with each uncontrolled stroke. Relief washes over me as I just narrowly miss the branches saving my eyes. “Jesus Christ!” My heart sinks to the bottom of the river as I look back, seeing my dad emerging from the grove wielding his oar in protection.

This one is interesting. The beginning gives images of a formal ballet with live symphony music. Kind of a graceful and elegant thing. Then things go wrong, and that image is forfeit into chaos. That works on many levels because it gives us the background feeling of a river that has a spot of rapids or other hazards. That tension is shown through your images when read all together. Good work!

Yeah, they are nicknamed ‘divorce boats’ for a reason. I think a kayak might have been a more scenic and peaceful scenic endeavor for myself but I’m trying to not tailor story too much and be more unrestricted with senses. Thanks for the feedback as always!

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