"Where" Writing - Park Bench in the City

The mighty Oak guards let me pass but bar the covert diesel fumes covertly trailing me, protesting at the gate through the occasional horns and sirens. I dive into the fresh air as if a lake on a hot summer’s day. A brief survey of the area reveals a bench most likely out of earshot of the overly enthusiastic Bob Dylan impressionist whose grass-stained toes tap erratically. I offered my thanks to Joan’s memory as stone, cool as the flipside of a pillow, pressed against me. Mysteries traverse the park enticing the detective out of me. A man no doubt searching for just the right rose for his unknowing fiancé grins with a hidden nose as he finds the winner. I tense and duck for the tightrope walkers training for the world circus as they tumble about up and down, blurring the divide between jumping and flying. My lips smack as a woman in CEO black and white grins over hot steam as she finally finds the world’s best cup of coffee.

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I really like the image of the sun being a tender lover today. It is definitely such a “show me the moonlight glinting on a shard of glass” description. Also, I love the personification of time napping nearby. I think I could do much better with personification and you’ve inspired me to incorporate it more.

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The personification of the trees as guards (or kind of bouncers) is really neat. It draws a picture that wouldn’t be there otherwise. On the second sentence, it this case, I feel like a straight metaphor rather than a simile would be more powerful (Like “I dive into the lake of fresh air seeking respite from the hot summer’s day” or something). The Bob Dylan reference with grass stained toes is really good at painting a specific image and auditory cue. The man choosing a rose is great because it gives us that internal sense of pressure to find right one for a proposal. That stress contrasts nicely with the “seeking relief” overtone.

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