This may be the last “writing from a picture” exercise before we move on to something different. I am not saying what this picture is in order to let your mind wander and not be influenced by anything. Look at the picture and use your sensory language to build something. I figured the black and white allows maximum flexibility. You can keep it monochrome, or you can decide what colors to use.
You have complete free reign on rhyme, rhythm, length, whatever. Just try to keep it in “lines” that you could see putting in a song. Good luck!
On the air, there’s a bell
Ringing out above
Dying goldfish, cotton candy, and rain
The barker shouts “last call, get out”
Decay whips in the wind
It’s all paused except the midway games
Gentle brown hair over eyes a little scared
She thinks I’ve been robbed
I keep my place a wreck, it looks the same
Squeeze your bear, I’ll un-tump the chair
And maybe turn on the heat
Out there the noise is stalled, except for the midway games
Please don’t cry, here’s a towel to dry
I’ll grab us a bite
Maybe come spring you can help me paint
Let’s talk about mom, where she came from
And who we hoped you’ll be
The wheel will roll again, and we’ll go back to the midway games
I like the hope you’ve weaved into this with “the wheel will roll again”, the ambition to build back from the rubble, to “un-tump” the chair is really nice, even if this hope is ultimately futile. The imagery of fair fair-ground is lovely in verse 1, “dying goldfish” gives a particularly visceral sense of what is to come. Well done!
The nostalgic beginning is really neat. Seeing it all from remembering a child’s perspective. Nice sensory language covering a wide array of senses. The last two lines of the second stanza are really awesome. The juxtaposition of piercing yell and silence, and the Ferris Wheel (kind of fun in motion) standing still. I love how at the end you bring us out of the nostalgia (spring) into the present (winter), showing that the child has been hardened with time, but still searches for beauty hearing the old songs on the wind. Really well done!
the rose coloured glasses have faded
leaving all memories black and blue
the sound of late rent and prolonged argument
lose my senses in the neon landscape view
carnival rides and a full laughing choir
a far cry from the circus at home
dreams of running away leaving family behind
and living fearlessly and on my own
RUSTY! good grief I will never let myself go so long without doing an exercise again!
Welcome back Hugh! I know what you mean that sometimes when you try to get back into writing you feel you have lost all your ability with words - but it doesn’t read that way at all! There is a lovely use of colour in there, and I like the fragments you have introduced to set the context, such as the sound of an angry landlord. I love what you have done in paragraph 2 in communicating this feeling of wanting to escape from the “circus at home” and live fearlessly. That final line reminds me of that great film ‘Into the Wild’. Anyway, well done and a delight to read your words again!
The color usage is amazing. Going from rose colored glasses to bruised memories! You can really feel the pressure building and yearning for escape. I agree with Jamie, this doesn’t read like you’re rusty at all!
the wind turns rusty gears and ferris wheel carts move like hands on a watch face
it conjures memories like the slow turning of a music box crank
i hear metallic plucks
the spokes turn with wheels on a popcorn cart
buttery fireworks ignite in a tin
their guts inside out with dinging kernels, steam outlet whirling humid vapor with harsh cigarette smoke
i watch from a small room peering through dying trees
my wooden chair creaking as i lean on its hind legs.
the forest looks charred and nearly abandoned as this motel. mold eats away at the walls
This is well-written. I’d dump the phrase “ it conjures memories”. That doesn’t add much to it.i love the spokes turning metaphor, you landed it perfectly. And making it a hotel where you see potential fun, but unable to partake is a great turn. Good job!
