This song is about my relationship with the word “home”. I had one consistent home (my dad’s house) and one very inconsistent home (my mom’s 7 houses) for 11 years. Just looking for feedback on my vocabulary choices and bridge options. I italicized lines that I want to re-word.
verse
(she said) “make sure the frame is mounted to the wall
when we’re driving over potholes we don’t want it to fall”
but if it did I don’t think I would care much at all
'cause looking at it makes me small.
verse
every week I go back home and wish that I could stay
every night: kneel by the bed, and I don’t even pray
no wonder why consistency is miles out of reach
I didn’t have a constant, I had ever-changing keys.
pre-chorus
i may be in over my head but this could be the year
we put the house in park right here
and take the carpet off the wheels
chorus
just a bunch of "oh"s for this one.
verse
nothing in my room can break
so if you slam the door there would be no mess to create
'cause everything’s all up in in boxes waiting to escape
while i’m here at midnight counting my mistakes
and all the walls stayed white but when i closed my eyes
the room was painted blue 'cause it reminds me of the sky
and if i sing just like the birds then maybe i could fly
sail over any continent and freedom would be mine (i don’t know if i want this entire stanza in the song, i feel like the words/metaphors are too basic)
pre-chorus
i may be in over my head but this could be the year
we put the house in park right here,
and take the carpet off the wheels
chorus
just a bunch of oh’s again
first idea was to do this as a bridge, do another chorus, then do this pseudo-ending thing afterwards
first bridge idea
and all my life was packing tape and cardboard
styrofoam and tissue paper always kept in store
don’t collapse the boxes because she’s still looking for
a place to take the house
pseudo-ending
but even if we stayed in place it wouldn’t feel like home with you
when the floor is made of eggshells and you’re grasping at the roof, which
let’s the sun and rain pour through 'cause it’s made up of straws
you glued it all yourself, included customary flaws.
OR
'cause it’s made up of straws
instead of wooden planks and nails it’s customary flaw
I am leaning towards using the pseudo-ending as the bridge and cutting the entire bridge completely because the original bridge seems too basic.