I can’t believe we’ve reached the final day of metaphor training! For this finishing exercise we are going to tackle perhaps the most prolific, but also the most challenging topic in all of songwriting; falling in love. We are going to try and find an interesting and perhaps unusual lens to view this feeling through our linking quality technique, and then of course flip it over to describe our other object like falling in love. Best of luck and give yourself a big pat on the back once you finish this section!
Writing a song - Being vulnerable - Falling in love
Words pouring out, overflowing the cup of excitement. Opening your heart, unprotected from all the daggers that may be found with the accompanying baggage. Willing to take damage if it means something magic, something profound, and something that will last a lifetime is ultimately achieved. Like puzzle pieces, components of the potential one click together to create an image of perfection in your eyes. Foggy with passion you both stumble through weeks of intense wonder. Polishing a diamond.
Falling in love - Being vulnerable - Writing a song
Finding the perfect rhyming word. Not a perfect rhyme, but one that works perfectly for your song. Flowing out, piece by piece a structure of a new hit takes shape. Running your finger along the edge of the paper raises the heart rate. Excitement brews as the tensions and releases create an emotional rollercoaster. The hand connected directly to the heart begin writing in rhythm with the beat. A ballad, writing on paper that rings wedding bells and smells of flowers. Eyes well with water and memories watch over your shoulder, guiding you on what you will do next.
Holy heck that was tough
Falling in love (target) - Falling - Skydiving (source)
When I first saw you love seemed so far away but so completely inevitable. After I had mustered the courage to make the jump across the room, I was falling so fast toward you and yet whole world around us seemed to pause, motionless. The distant greens and browns in your eyes became ever more vivid the closer I get as I gaze into such unerring beauty. I can hardly hear you through the rush of feeling, yet with such panoramic perspective everything makes complete sense. Without your parachute of affection, however, I will be in real trouble.
Skydiving (target) - Falling - Falling in love (source)
As we hurtle down we can’t be completely sure how this will end, we can only breathe in the crystal clear air and enjoy the floating relationship between us and inevitable fate. The air is like a cool, crisp rush of affection that deafens us from imperfection as we float weightlessly in love. As the parachute is pulled, the howling comes to a sudden halt and I feel as safe as in a lovers arms. We fall like graceful feathers toward a mattress of soft, delicate grass below.
I like the metaphor of taking risks in the relationship like you do with a song in the name of making great art. Love as an art form in general has loads of associations to work with. In the second one I think it flips round nicely, as the tensions and releases of music, or again any art form, map onto love very well - so great work finding these mappings! The ringing wedding bells and smell of flowers adds nice sensory detail, which I really need to work on myself with these exercises!
Yo guys!! Sorry I have been Rock climbing the past couple weeks and camping out of service! I’m gonna try to catch up on whatever is going on today ahah
Falling in love (target) - Inescapable/obsession - Horror movie (Source)
No matter how fast I run, I still see her shadow looming somewhere amongst the wood. Panting, the air stinging my raw throat and sore chest, heart thumping like it’s trying to find a way out, I pick up the pace. Her memory walks slowly, but is always one step ahead, waiting for me behind the next tree, the next turn. The overly sweet floral-vanilla perfume she wore on the third date haunts me, keeps me up at night. I haven’t slept, ever vigilant, protecting myself. She is a cannibal, targeting my heart for a delicious morning licorice hors d’oeuvre. With my endurance wasted, no more adrenaline to keep moving, I fall. Eyes splitting apart like rabid jaws, I glimpse my fate. She smiles and tells me not to worry. She drains me of my soul and at this point, I am almost grateful as I fall victim to her will.
Horror movie - inescapable/obsession - falling in love
A sudden shot of epinephrine and adrenaline, followed by a slow build of dopamine. Hearts flutter in their chest as she pursues him with great interest. It’s almost like he wants her to find him, just playing coy, a flirtatious “hard to get” facade. His pupils dilate as she offers him the forever type of calm through a flash of steel. They dance, never taking their eyes from one another. After so long a chase, she shows him her true self, her true form, hidden until just the right moment. The color of love spurts on her blouse and trickles from his throat. With almost gracious release, he stills, looking calm underneath her. She smiles and lays a red carnation in reminder that his heart bled for her.
This is really tough, especially because my mind is in a million places right now. I will try to review your works when I have a moment.
Thats awesome! All good everyone was just checking in making sure nothing bad happened to you all!
Wellllll I definitely have climbing on the brain so here we go … This was tough!!!
Falling in love(target)- losing control- Rock climbing
Uncertainty washes over me as I contemplate the rising expedition. I want to map out each precarious move so that I don’t make a mistake, careening off an edge and sustaining injuries on the way down. Your beauty towers over me, and shadows my spinning mind with inspiration. Curiosity guides my movements now, as I dance between the edges of your character, searching for solid footing. Fear bubbles under my skin, mixing with the exhilaration of meeting the unknown and finding belonging. Blood thundering in my veins, I clamber through your dreamscape, allowing my instincts to guide me toward new heights.
Rock climbing(target)- Losing control- Falling in love
Fear projects a shadow on my expectant journey. I want desperately to reach the climax while I dread the inevitable descent that must follow. Expectations flood my mind, attempting to craft a murky image of what lies ahead. I have been drawn to this mysterious objective, my fingers longing to caress each hill of imperfection, to trace a map all my own over an impossible landscape, but my vision is deterred by a pulsating voice of self doubt. Am I enough? I wonder as a cautious excitement builds, strumming my heart strings, I linger in a space between potential fulfillment and inevitable loss.
Haha thankfully I made it back to civilization safe and sound!
Wow I’m impressed! I feel like you did such a good job linking these two and not muddling the targets. The hard part of this exercise for me is keeping straight what I’m writing about vs what I’m writing with and I think you made it very clear between both the passages, and not only that but they are well written with really nice imagery.
Those first few sentences really pull you in. The excitement of the overflowing cup of words and the laying down your armor and being willing to sip from it. That is a really cool way of describing vulnerability. The imagery of the puzzle is so interesting because it shows effort, frustration, and ultimately completion of a task.
Your specific use of finding the right word, even if it isn’t a “perfect rhyme” is really cool. This a a beautifully written passage, but I had a little trouble seeing immediately the “falling in love” target, but I really like the flow of the words.
I really like the way you showed the passing of time while the world stood still (the greens and browns of eyes becoming more visible). That really strikes me because everything else paused. The fear of rejection or unrequited love is a neat internal tension builder.
The not knowing how things will go is really effective here to bring love and skydiving together. The rush dampening the imperfection is awesome. And falling towards a mattress is really cool to end it. Great work!!!
Wonderfully written. That first one has so many senses, internal and external and is so moving. The planning thrown off the side to let your curiosity guide you. Fear and exhilaration mixing into a strange love concoction. The blood thundering in your veins… basically, every word a masterpiece.
Your second one is much the same, every single line adding vital details to really bring the two objects together. The expectations and fears mix with the longing and fulfillment is simply great.
You came back with a bang!
Wow this mapping works really well both ways! I think these exercises were the most painful to write because they are so hard, but the most enjoyable to read because everyone has come up with such cool metaphors! Really lovely words in here well done!
Falling in Love (target) - obsession - Treasure Hunting (source)
He drifted warmly through my thoughts. There was something unique about him, something exquisite.
His mind was a trove of brilliant, beautiful things I needed to explore. He was a riddle I wanted to solve,
A rare hidden treasure to seek out. I began to study him, deciphering the things he said, digging for clues that could unlock his heart.
I was desperate to unearth him, and discover all of his bounty.
Treasure Hunting (target) - obsession - Falling in love (source)
From the moment I laid eyes on that beautiful treasure chest, I was in love, and I knew I had to have her. The chase was exhilarating, and I was enamored with the fantasy of being the one to find her.
I spent all my waking hours obsessing… mesmerized by the idea of digging her out of the earth, and running my fingers over her intricate gold embellishments, and sifting through the diamonds. Just the thought of it would cause my heart to race, and a hit of dopamine to trickle through my body.
It is cool that you use “trove” to describe his mind and that you wanted to explore it. I think the first two lines, while serving as an introduction, do not really feed into the source world for the target. Drifted does not call to mind “treasure hunting” for me. You could maybe increase the association by saying something like “drifted through the pirate’s lagoon of my thoughts” or something like “He was hidden, buried in my thoughts”. For me, those kind of call to treasure hunting more clearly. Rather than “A rare hidden treasure to seek out”, you could describe him with treasure hunt words less directly. Something like “he was the x on my ancient and distorted map” (notice, I am contradicting my past advice on adjectives, but I am just writing what first comes to mind) or “He alone was worth the risk of any booby traps or pit falls”. Something like that paints the picture without just telling us he is a treasure.
The second one I thought you did really well. I see the images and feel like I am drawn into the mind of the treasure hunter quite literally lusting after the treasure.
As always, thank you for the feedback. I really struggle to make metaphors sensory, which is why I added the “drifting” part. I do like the “hidden, buried in my thoughts” line. I actually did some treasure hunting for a season, and so the language I used lines up more with my experience, than the traditional treasure hunt that comes to mind (with pirates and booby traps and such) it was more of a riddle that needed solved to find the chest. But it brings up a good point that the writing would need to be less personal for the reader to grasp it.
Either way, this was a particularly difficult exercise to execute!
Using language from your experience is great! I just didn’t get it. So I was using a very elementary view of treasure hunting (basically like the old swashbuckler pirate movies and Goonies). Ha. I can really see the “puzzle-solving” metaphor coming through clearly. You did a fantastic job. And, nothing is wrong with writing more personal things, many a great song have been written from purely personal experience. It just may mean that it means something different to others and that is OK. Great work (and I would love to know more about your treasure hunting experience!)