Today we will be using an “afternoon nap” as a metaphor for something. To find your target domain, use a linking quality; find an attribute of an afternoon nap, and then think of something else with that attribute. Describe this thing using the sensory-based language of the nap. Enjoy!
Meeting ending on time - unattainable - afternoon nap
The wave of mixed voices wash over me like that feeling of an afternoon without coffee. Dazed and barely conscious of the world around me, the ticking of the clock reminds me that I have been in this swivel chair for fifteen minutes, each one passing slower than the last. This meeting is set for thirty minutes, no way that will happen. There is always that hope among the droning that it will end on time. But we know better, don’t we? The blanket of synergy and efficiency wraps around me snugly, offering that dream of sleep. Of course, it never comes. Thirty minutes becomes two hours, and here I am groggy to the world, knowing that just like an afternoon nap, the idea of a work meeting ending on time, is a complete fiction, like trying to write Graham’s number on a napkin.
Beer - Lethargic - Afternoon nap
The mind is full, bubbling and needs to be internalised. Counting wobbly sheep in the adjacent paddock trying desperately to stay with it. The more hours had the more dull the remainder of the day becomes. With the goal of increasing energy, but each strand of hair heavy on your head, weighing you down until finally the pillow can carry the burdens of the day into a world seldom looked back on.
This was frickin hard I’ve got to get back in my rhythm my schedules all messed up and I seem to have lost the key to my mojo
(This is what I had written first which is nice but Not quite on target)
Deceptive mind whispering promises of future vigor but providing the mind with a ball and chain, and set loose to escape in a field of mud. Altered mental state like swimming through a lake of fog, barely conscious. Floating thoughts forming in the mind but caged behind steel teeth and concrete gums.
I like it, I like the voices wash over you and feeling like a coffeeless afternoon.
Maybe could have expanded on the what the droning is like to listen to, Like jackhammer of corporate jargon drilling into your brain or something. But it definitely ties the two together
I agree, this was a hard one, but you pulled it off. I like to read your first take as the intro, then into your final take. The bubbling in the head is a strong image, especially when combined with the wobbly sleep. And then the fact that each beer means less will be had of the remainder of the day, just like that extra minute of sleep. Good job!
Afternoon Nap- Escape - Driving
The room was noisy and chaotic, with silverware clanging and obnoxious laughing. I was longing for a quiet space to think, so I snuck out the back and slipped into my car. The air was warm and still, and my ears appreciated the silence. The sun gently peaked through my window as I turned onto a back road. I snuggled deep into the soft seat and my shoulders felt light as every obligation lifted. The dancing shadows and rising fog on the road lulled me into a dream-like state and my mind totally emptied in the sweet stillness of the moment.
I hope it’s okay that I am doing these prompts in order as I have time (vs skipping over days I can’t)
You can do these exercises however you feel helps you. Jamie set them up to kind of grow in order, so the method you are using is the “preferred” one. Doing them in order helps, because of the little subtle changes and challenges. Plus, it is probably better since your method will result in you having done them all! That is always good.
You remember how sometimes adjectives make something more “tell-y”. The start of your first sentence is an example of that. The room was noisy and chaotic tells us about it rather than creating an inviting image. But the latter part of the sentence recovers nicely. In other words, if you deleted the first part of the sentence and started with the silverware and laughing, it would be stronger and more “show-y”. The air being warm and still is a great juxtaposition for the noisy room, and you used personification here for your “ears” being appreciative, that gives a nice feeling. The dancing shadows and rising fog acting as a catalyst of comfort is a really nice image inviting us to see the things and then feel comforted by them. Good job!
thank you for the clarification, and all the feedback. Admittedly, I lean into telling quite often, but I will say, I am finding it a lot easier to navigate the metaphors now, which I am really excited about. My experience writing has been very limited, so these exercises are opening up this entire new world of creativity for me.
Source Domain: Afternoon Nap
Linking Quality: Trapping
Target Domain: Saying goodbye
I sink into your comforting embrace and hold onto the warmth blanketed over me. Lavender taunted my nose with its future departure and I breathe it in, grasping and gasping to keep it for myself. The light peaks around the corner through my curses and drags the moment away from my clutches. My head buries in the darkness of cotton defiance but time ignores my pleas.
Not that it matters here but I’d be conscious of making sure to vary up the syntax. I often find myself relying to syntax that is filled with participles and have to make the effort to try to express my thoughts in a different way.
This is well-written. The sinking into comfort is a nice sensory image. The only real critique I have here is that I definitely get the sense of longing for something not to leave, but it reads more like wanting to stay in bed. I know that is kind of the exercise, but the target domain is super lightly written here. Perhaps even just an allusion to someone leaving or having left to tie it back to the waiting in bed image would make it stronger. I like the lavender olfactory sense, and kind of wanted to see a nod to it at the end. Like time replacing it with something less comforting. Great job!