Today we continue working in tetrameter lines, but this time coupling up each pair of lines to rhyme with each other! The topic is “mountain”, as usual stay as close to the senses as you can.
The peak awash with wind of ice
each step a caution to look twice
for frozen graves a common sight
now limbs unfelt with frosts that bite
But spring may come and sweetness drench
and blow away the icy stench
The granite shines refracting night
and blocks out beams of calm moonlight
The slope belies a secret slide
Where ice and rock collate, collide
Where anxious climbers yearn to slide
And children’s dreams erupt with pride
Inside lost boots are frozen toes
And broken bones the holder swallows
Snow drifts in with clouds behind
To bury footprints in azure sky
While Oxygen deminishes
Until the climber finishes
I love the second line! That is awesome because it has visual imagery and internal senses combined in such a short, concise way. I also love the you show passing time (a sense I am always envious of in others’ writings) with the changing of seasons and the reaction on the mountain. Great job!
Goodness the rhyme and meter constraints really do mould these into a lovely form - this is lovely stuff!
Beautiful contrast between children’s dreams and dying climbers - and having the final line with only three stresses brings it to a dramatic halt that represents death nicely!
Ha, shows what I know: I thought the final line had four stresses, due to secondary stress of FINishES. Whoops! The secondary stresses always get me, I am never sure whether to count them or not. Like I said, I have never really done this before.