Trepanning

This is a super quick and dirty recording. I was trying to play around with the number of measures and work on dynamics.

It is not well put together and totally messed up quite a few times. Just kind of feeling my way through it. Any critique and help would be appreciated.

Here are the draft lyrics (this was one of them where it all just came when I wrote down the line in my head
first thing, so not a lot of thought):
I’ve gotten so familiar with these voices in my hand that
I take them for my own
Call them my own
My only confidants left trusted all tarnished and rusted
I take them for my own
Call them my own

Look so deep within yourself to find a god or something else to
Fill the hole
Feel the hole?
Holy squabbles wandering refute refusal’s offering
I take it for my own
Call it my own

Not the most elegant dismount from thrones ill-achieved
Feel achieved?
Chiefly and brave, seeing things go your way on your own
But they won’t

Fell into the water well over our heads
Searching for nothing find humility instead
Build empires on congestion to keep you all distracted
Disguised by dysfunctional well-lit analysis
Divide
Occupied
With lies
Black and white
Grey subsides
Thank god for redaction, wait for the retraction

Sip from your sidepiece, wrap round your rosè
Sigh to the screen, half-caf almond milk latte
Parental pensions to boutique thrift stores
Hipster holograms pompous not poor
Cryptic codes for the dopamine, sentience fleeting
Evading edge of empathy, Fleeing from feeling
Mend this dichotomy
Live with lobotomy
Live with your zombies
Mend your autonomy

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I like the chords you got going, and the unstable measures work for the song.

Whats the song about?

From what I can decipher its about how messed up the world is and how follower the majority are? The lines
“Live with lobotomy
Live with your zombies
Mend your autonomy”
are sweet.

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I tried to leave it open to interpretation, but my goal was to create some discomfort I. The listener with the unstable measures.

What inspired it was a conversation with my mom (we have a great relationship and I am a big momma’s boy). As she has gotten older, she has become less critical of where she gets information and more concerned with having opinions that meet with approval of her peers. All that said, it’s critiquing those who look for hip soundbites and superficial means to win approval, without trying to form a basis for their own opinions. That lack of curiosity and confidence leads to division.

Ha ha. I am not deep and usually don’t write this type of thing. That’s why I posted here.

Since I’m brand new, I can’t really offer any feedback based on what you all have learned so far, but one thing I liked about this from an arrangement POV is the wordiness of parts, contrasted with the breathing room you have in the next part. I liked that you left a little space in the second half of this stanza.

Fell into the water well over our heads
Searching for nothing find humility instead
Build empires on congestion to keep you all distracted
Disguised by dysfunctional well-lit analysis
Divide
Occupied
With lies
Black and white
Grey subsides
Thank god for redaction, wait for the retraction

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Some nice words in here!

I like the use of fill vs feel the hole, but if I didn’t have the lyrics in front of me I probably wouldn’t have picked up on it, and also the “feel the hole?” is a question, so would perhaps be better with a melodic inflexion to mimic natural speech?

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