Yesterday we had some fun in shining the light of various source nouns onto various targets. Today we will try the same thing again, but switching the lists around!
- Cargo ship
So if you saw a frisbee as a cargo ship, why not try seeing a cargo ship as a frisbee? Of course, you don’t have to stick to the same words you chose yesterday, you just have to choose one of the nouns on the target list and describe it using the language of one of the words on the source list. Enjoy!
Cargo Ship - Fribee
The port of origin’s arm slung the cargo ship toward the crowded field of willing recipients. Mist splashes against its face like floating oak pollen. Though containers are sardine-packed on its surface, it might as well be hollow, full of nothing but vapid materialism and the newest silicon obsession. Blindly spinning round and round, the world becomes a blur, but this goes unnoticed as dollar signs project expected paths on its uncontrolled flight. Turbulence bounces it high and low. Once it leaves it’s origin, it will reach a destination, whether it is the intended one is yet unknown. Dual use commercial/industrial ports excitedly reach their arms for the sky while imperceptively hustling to yank it down before the others, to get the first ravenous dose of dragon, that fleeting high of victory as its pockets are filled. Then it discus style hurls it into the ocean again, the downward spiral continuing.
Zipper - Restaurant
Constant, though the subject within may change. The zipper is a restaurant, like a suitcase packed so tight the zipper pushes its utter limit while the restaurants fate of being full beyond capacity remains a pipe dream. providing humble service, it silently gets overlooked by the contents within. A familiar background noise, however distinct, knowing that if it’s being heard, it’s doing its job correctly. Locking together, perfect ingredients blend together to produce a Michelin star meal, holding the enterprise together.
This one was a challenge!
Awesome! cool to see if from the reverse, highlight for me is the “mist splashes against its face like floating oak pollen” managed to place a cargo ship being thrown through a beautiful park, catching pollen on the way. really well down! Is the dose of dragon the capitalist society just out for money like how dragons hoard gold?
Ha ha. I was thinking of an addiction. People who are addicted to a substance often refer to themselves as chasing the dragon, that first high. No future use will achieve that same result, so they keep trying more quantity, more frequency, or harder substances. So, I was kind of saying it was striving to grab it first in hopes of finding that mythological feeling that it will never feel again.
I agree that this one was tough! I really like the first sentence. That is really awesome and applies to both. The second sentence is fun, because it makes the bold statement “The zipper is a restaurant”, but then contrasts the two through allusion. That last sentence is the star player. It brings it home for me. Great job with a tough pair.
My jacket zipper was a poem- the way each rectangular barge found its dock in another, the way it enclosed me in its own atmosphere, a creation of one world but a portal to another. Safety enveloped me in a seamless embrace as I tugged the dangling passage, a meter of costal jingling clattered in my ears. Amongst the squalls and flurries of the night, a zipper to shelter and comfort, like gathered bones fitted together to encircle my core.
Nice way to connect the cargo ship-frisbee into a metaphor about materialism. Not an easy combo. My only thought is maybe you could call the ports players? or sink more into that metaphor of the teams/players that are jockeying for the frisbee
This is a weird one, way to pull it off! I like the different analogies you were able to make, even tying in the noise of the zipper! The last sentence you used the word together 3 times, would probably sound nicer if it was reworded. Maybe like “Locking together, perfect ingredients blend to produce a michelin star meal, fastening the enterprise.” or something like that.
Awesome suggestion I didnt even notice i wrote together that many time. Good eye maddie!
I almost did that! Ha. When I tried, I thought it became a little too abstract and did not spend additional time trying to figure out how to make clear that the players were ports. I really like the suggestion2.
You picked a hard one too. I was thinking about your use of “barge” and “dock”, were you originally considering doing cargo ship? If not, maybe treat the elements of the zipper as something from a poem, like a line, stanza, noun/verb (something like “the elements were nouns on one side, verbs on the other, each line perfectly set holding the stanzas together, snugly until ready to reveal the meaning hidden behind the bronze gate”. That is not a great example, but trying to explain it. I love the meter jingling in your ears. For the last line, what if you changed “bones” to “words”? Again, trying to focus on the poem allusion. This is really great stuff you have here!
@4starviewmusic So true haha I normally just write whatever visuals come to my mind but I definitely had some opportunities to lean more into the poem concept
The wineglass is like summer, an invitation to escape the mundane. Barefoot and earthy, light and free, with aromas of berries and flowers, the season in perfect balance. Sauntering into elegant forests of oak, slow poured and swirling in lazy rivers. Settling down into rich, dark evenings, with sparkling stars. Warmed and cozy, with sweet lips with blushed cheeks. Savoring every memory, every moment.
The second sentence really steals the show here. It invites so many senses to roam around in the image. I also really like that the river was “slow poured”, I see it coming out of the decanter. Great job!
Yes applying the slow pouring from the wine domain to the lazy rivers and the summer in general really shows the power of this technique of taking the words from one family and using them in another - hopefully this is opening up connections in your mind? My mind associated the sunset with wine spilt over the sky, or maybe splashed is a great word here. Great stuff in there keep it up!
Evening is a Poem
Evening is a poem rewritten with each setting sun. An anthology of horizons scribed by unknowing authors—a collective work. The towering oaks, once so clear in the yawning daylight, disappear and reveal the infinite depth of possibilities dancing, hidden, throughout the lines of trees in veiled mystery. The whisper of the wind fills the spaces between verses of nightingale couplets and the crickets’ tercets. The chill of dusk is a poem’s truth, a welcomed respite from the scorching day or an icy affirmation of understanding.
Again a real pleasure to read! You’ve found some great words in the sphere of poetry and it has really bought your evening into a whole new life. Hopefully these exercises are doing the same thing for you as they did for me in realising the flexibility of language in this way and its limitless possibilities!
Definitely feels like I’m laying heavy train tracks but that’s allowing me to connect ideas I hadn’t before. Thanks for all the feedback!
Wineglass - Poem
My wineglass is a poem. She waits patiently, collecting dust on the shelf, and is pulled out at precisely the right moment, holding her secrets and thoughts and spilling them exactly where she intends to. Structure is firm and sleek, with one large stanza connecting to the base that she stands on, freeform at best, yet able to connect the dullest of people together, the ringing of being clinked with another poem. The rhythm of the wineglass flows in tandem with the pour, corked at its worst, decanted at its best, the scent of grapes permeating the room nonetheless. Stressed and unstressed in all the right places. A vessel carrying a sonnet, forcing us to look at what it holds in various ways, sweet to some, dry to others.