"What" Writing - Bouquet

Our object for today is “bouquet”. Flowers are rich in their colours, their scents, the feel of the petals etc. Communicating this information through language, however, is deceptively difficult to do. Have a go and see where your senses take you!

The flowers in their dotage, hunched over the edge of the vase, taking a graceful bow to mark the end of such an immense contribution toward the beauty of this world. The petals are too heavy for these frail, delicate frames, which drop to form a cushion on the table below, disintegrating upon the slightest touch.

A trickle of bordeaux flows slowly down the stem, just below the thorn. My fingertip is as angry as my olfactory glands are pleased (at least until they remember stubborn allergies, already the internal nostril tickling is almost gagging me, pressure builds as I attempt to overpower the imminent sneeze). At the bottom, tiny translucent blue boulders add ballast to bolster the balance of a top-heavy vase. Feathered boats flutter from the blooms to take their place on the tiny retention pond, confining their mother. Finally, the once-scarlet, now-rust-colored stream reaches the waters surface disbursing into an orange rosette. My index fingertip still throbs, my nose still smiles… Ah-choo.

The scent of spring drifts through the air. A bright blue feather tumbles gently in the wind, landing lightly on the tip of a blade of grass before taking flight once more. Small dots of yellow buzz from flower to flower admiring the perfume.

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I like the “scent of spring” and bringing in the bees. Good job.

The scent of new death perfumes my kitchen. One, two, three, four, roses and tulips slide into their glass tomb. They lay still as a rouge model, one the artist could never get right. Their silken bodices kiss down to the countertop, one after another, day after day, until their carcasses shrivel and tighten, just a memory of sweetness preserved.

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Really like “feathered boats” and “nose still smiles” I really like your writing and witty metaphor. Only note was the the part in parenthesis seemed out of place and I think it could flow quite nicely without it.

Love “the flowers in their dotage” great word!! also “graceful bow” is great as well. I like this once nice job

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I agree with @maddragon that “feathered boats” is a real highlight here. Also “a trickle of Bordeaux” pours such vivid colour into our minds. Really nice imagery well done! The quintuplet of alliteration is always appreciated as well.

I like how you have captured the delicacy of spring, and indeed the bees really do set the soundtrack to the scene.

I really like the metaphor of the vase as a “glass tomb” for decaying flowers, and how you have painted in the memory of their former youth at the end giving us a sense of the whole “circle of life”.

You really captured the movement of time in this description. First with the counting of the flowers, then the momento mori imagery, then the day after day. Great job.

Very cozy imagery! I felt like the feeling of spring was highlighted more though than the bouquet.

There is laid, limp, still smelling of earth and moss. It was half-heartedly wrapped in rough field grass plucked from the soil. A felt an ache seeing it there, slowly dying, desperate for cool water.
The periwinkle petals were still vibrant and velvety, but the clementine orange blossoms were paper dry. It smelled like honey and something rotten, and I felt a tickle in my nose.
Tucked inside a fishy yellow floret there hid a lone bug, singing something beautiful
and melancholy, slurping dwindling drops of sweet nectar, ignoring its impending demise.

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That poor bug! nicely written Crysty, the velvety periwinkle and paper dry clementine is nice. With the line “i felt a tickle in my nose” instead of telling us that, you could expand more on the smells, honey and something rotten could feel like a hug followed by a flick on your nose. But again this is nice and I could imagine this earthy bouquet

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Yes this is much more sensory! You have painted a really engaging picture of the paper dry petals and the rotting scent - well done! :slight_smile:

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You peer around me as a picture snaps time and time again, a clock counting down while you wait to see my reaction. Your dress, white like your name, majestically flows to the ground, fluttering in the wind. Stems protrude from your hands, peeking out to breathe the fresh air. The fragrance fills my nostrils, subtle but not overwhelming, hydrangeas, dahlias, and peonies, an elixir I can taste in the bitters we made for our cocktails that one summer night. Gazing into your eyes, the bouquet, larger than my niece, nestles up alongside me, wanting to be closer to you than I am, a slight discomfort as I want your time.

So this is interesting. The camera clicking to relate to time passing is a really cool image (you’ll see that I love the temporal sense (and I am envious of people who use it well). The wedding gown has some good imagery, but the word “majestically” is a little more tell-y than show-y. What makes it majestic? The specific flower types adds some nice details, especially because it goes to smell and taste. “Larger than my niece” is really cool, and it made me laugh. Well done.
As an aside, I will tell you the narrative that came to my mind when reading this. I feel like us sharing what we took from it is good to show that we connect differently when given images. I am not sure what you were going for, but by using wonderful images and letting the reader become engulfed in the writing, we create a world of our own. The story I get is that one of the groomsmen had some sort of relationship with the bride to be. Maybe a one-night-stand behind the groom-to-be’s back or something. Now he is in the wedding party as the groom’s friend, and the groom is unaware. So he is trying to catch her attention, but finds himself focusing on the dress and bouquet to avoid being too indiscreet. The reference to his niece shows that he wanted something more with the bride-to-be, but she treated it as a fling/one night stand. I think this is really neat.

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Thanks for that feedback! Super helpful to read. And thank you for sharing what came to your mind when reading this. I do find it really interesting what comes to folks minds when they read or hear or see things, because it’s often very different!

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While walking down the buzzing street filled with welded iron rolling on rubber, a scented invitation by the wind came with a gentle knock on my senses. Roses & Tulips swinging in the pleasant breeze, tied in a suicidal knot of the velvet ribbons, wrapped in a blanket of plastic sheet. As I bend down, the fragrance of the roses tickling my nose heaving a sigh of relief. I hold the glossy petal, admiring the silky surface as I slide my fingers on it.

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